A matter of the heart
by Indian Summer 2378
Summary: Chakotay needs to decide what to do after the Caretaker's array is destroyed. Luckily B'Elanna has something in store to help him.


**This story takes place in Caretaker; after they destroyed the array and Chakotay's famous "She's the captain", and before Janeway reinstates Paris.**

 **It is a gift for my beta KJaneway115, because she spends so much time and effort helping me with my stories. Of course, she also betaed this one ;)  
**

 **No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

"Chakotay!" B'Elanna called out and hurried with quick steps after him as he walked down the corridor.

He stopped at the doors to his temporary quarters. "Yes?"

"What did the captain want from you?"

"She wanted to discuss our situation," he said, entering the room.

"And?" B'Elanna prompted as she followed him in.

"We haven't decided anything yet."

"Our people want answers," she said in a fiery tone.

"I know. But _I_ need some time to think," he said, making clear that he was responsible for not having an answer, not the captain.

Instantly, B'Elanna calmed. "Perhaps this will help you," she said, raising the duffel bag she was holding, and a small, sly smile graced her lips.

He frowned. "What…?"

"Take a look inside."

He opened it and his face broke into an astonished smile as he saw the contents of the bag. "How…?"

"Do you really think I would leave it behind while you were about to blow up the ship?"

He looked at her with bright eyes and she could see that he was close to hugging her.

"I know how dear and valuable it is to you," she shrugged nonchalantly, trying not to show that her knees got weak at the prospect of him hugging her.

"Thank you, B'Elanna," he said sincerely.

"You're welcome. May it help you make a decision."

"It will," he said, certain. "And I will come to you and the others as soon as I make up my mind and talk to the captain."

B'Elanna nodded. "We know you'll decide what's best for us."

"Thanks for the confidence."

For a second, she smiled at him and then she turned to leave him alone.

As soon as the doors had closed behind her, he carefully took his medicine bundle out of the duffel bag and, sitting down on the carpet, he unfolded it in front of him.

Touching each item devotedly, he remembered what if stood for and, after breathing a couple of times deeply to clear his mind, he laid his hand on the akoonah and closed his eyes.

"A-koo-chee-moya. We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers. We are far from the bones of our people. But I ask, on this day of trouble and uncertainty, for the guidance of the powerful animal that is my spirit guide, to help me get the answers I seek."

He opened his eyes to find himself in the clearing he knew so well. What caught him by surprise was that, despite the trouble he was in, the forest was lit. Normally when he needed to make difficult decisions and didn't know what to do, it was cloudy or dark, sometimes even with thick fog. Today, everything was bright and appeared oddly peaceful.

Confused, he walked over to a fallen tree beside a tree stump. While walking, he looked out for his animal guide, but she was nowhere to be seen.

That was odd, too, he thought, usually she could sense when he needed her help.

He didn't know what to do other than call out to her, "Timber? Where are you?"

He waited for a response but there was still no sign of her.

"Timber?" he called out again. "I need you. Could you please show yourself?"

"I'm right here," he suddenly heard her unique voice saying in his head, and then he saw her approaching from between the trees. A sleek, fair, proud wolf. With unhurried steps she came to him and jumped on the fallen tree.

While he talked aloud, her voice was merely in his head, like a telepathic link only for him to hear, and it surrounded him like a warm, comforting blanket. "How can I help you… this time?" she asked and even though it sometimes felt as if she was mocking him, he always welcomed her presence.

"I destroyed my ship," he told her and sat down on the tree stump.

"Why would you have done that?"

"It was the only way to get out of a battle alive."

"Where are you now?"

"On a Starfleet ship."

"Have you been arrested?"

"No, not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"The ship we are on was sent out to capture us, yes, but we have been thrown 70000 lightyears away from Earth. To the other side of the galaxy. Captain Janeway made it clear that our arrest doesn't have priority anymore."

"Captain Janeway?"

"The captain of Voyager. The ship we are on."

"I understand."

"I don't know what I should do. I have a Maquis crew on a Starfleet ship. Starfleet is the enemy."

"What choices do you have?"

"I could look for a nice planet where I can stay behind with my crew."

"Is that what you want?"

He shook his head. "To be honest, no. I want to get home and I think my crew wants it, too."

"So?"

"I could bring Voyager under my control. But to what end?" he asked himself. "I don't think I have enough people to operate the ship. And I don't want to disregard Captain Janeway." He looked at Timber. "She has offered to integrate my crew into hers, to try to get home together. I would be her first officer."

"Do you want to be her first officer?"

"I don't know," he said, thinking. "I don't know if I want to put that uniform on again. And to have to work with Tuvok… it makes me angry to even think about it. Tuvok was a spy on my ship, you have to know. He is Captain Janeway's chief of security. He betrayed me and I don't know if I can trust him now." He sighed. "But it's a wise suggestion from Captain Janeway."

"It seems to me as though you have made your decision already."

"Maybe I have. Because, let's face it, there isn't another alternative if we want to get home. I just don't know how to tell B'Elanna and the others. They won't be happy."

"You'll have to find a way."

He nodded. "Many of Voyager's crew didn't survive the last few days. My people have to realize that the Starfleet crew needs us as much as we need them. What makes it easier is that I'm sure Captain Janeway will treat my people fairly."

"Will she?"

"Yes. If not, I can bring her to. She's a reasonable woman."

"You seem to have gotten to know her pretty well."

"I think so, yes."

Timber looked at him with a knowing glimmer in her eyes. "Then you should follow your heart."

"It's not a matter of the heart," he said angrily, not knowing why her words caused such a strong reaction.

"Are you sure?"

"I have to choose what's best for my crew."

"And what is the best for your crew?"

"If only I knew that."

Without any reply or helpful comment, Timber jumped off the tree and vanished into the woods.

He jumped up, calling after her, "Hey, why are you leaving? Stay! What shall I do?"

"Follow your heart."

He snorted dissatisfied. They were a great team, and he appreciated her guidance, but aside from being able of helping him making difficult decisions, she was also able to enrage him in no time. Nobody had ever told him having a spirit guide had to be easy, though, and what should he expect from a wolf but an independent mind and spirit?

He sat down again and wondered what she had meant by 'follow your heart'?

Suddenly Captain Janeway's face appeared in front of his mind's eye and it hit him. Another highly intelligent woman with a unique voice. Strong and sure and proud. Like Timber.

He caught himself smiling. She had fascinated him from the very first moment when she had surprised him with her suggestion that they search for their missing crew together. He had immediately noticed that she wasn't like any other Starfleet captain he had met, and working by her side had stirred emotions he didn't even know he was still able to feel.

No, he thought, and shook his head before he could go on. He shouldn't make this decision based on some fleeting emotions. He should think of his crew.

But what if she was the best for his crew? The fact that she had suggested integrating his crew into hers told him how serious she was and how much thought she had given to their situation.

Suddenly there was no need to think further. Timber was right. He should follow his heart and his heart told him that she would care for his people the same way she cared for her own.

As to all the other things his heart was saying, he would sort them out later.

Coming out of his vision quest he tapped his combadge, sure and confident. "Chakotay to Janeway. Captain, I've made my decision…"

 _The End_


End file.
